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Lost in this abyssal world
Losing my identity too
Somebody’s compassion seeking
So that I can walk through
I am done with day’s college a bit earlier than I use to. Passing through that college gate, I had the same thought that I always had, thinking about same thing like it was the part of my life, and that was the chore that must be done. Step by step moving alone with neck bent, taking headphone out of my bag and untying it and seeing the world around me; people were laughing in groups and were so happy.
I asked myself when I would be happy like that.
But before that, would I ever be?
Sighed and said to myself, “forget it”, seeing the mark on the headphones for L and R because someone told me that one must put the particular headphone in the mentioned ear which is a safe practice. I put the end in ears and other end was hanging between my legs and I was walking with heads down. But why head down? Was I green-eyed or was I upset? I don’t know but what I knew was that I was alone and I had to walk alone.
A little smile on the face when see someone, if they offered to stand and a little talk with them, I always left like being grateful and a word, thanks! I always knew that was a formality and I am not really being welcomed. Same was being done today. I reached my room, I have it rented and owner is really good. He lives on the top floor and it was third floor. I am on the second floor and room isn’t too spacious but I am comfy in there. Being alone is halcyon as I know because there is no one in the room except myself; I am not being ignored or unloved. My room’s window faced the front facade of the building.
Today was a different day from others. I went in bed, moved all my clothes back to my chair, few fell down on the floor but who cared, I was too lazy to place them all in order. About my bed, always full of clothes, messed up sheet and blanket, and you need to search for pillow in that mess. I always have to move all that stuff to my chair before I actually could sleep. I was lying on bed with listening music right in my ears after being too tired. I just had closed my eyes and I fell to sleep. When I woke up, was hungry and went to the mess expecting good meals but I forgot not to expect good from life, hence I went to bistro nearby to have some good food. By nearby, I mean it is not really that near. It is good over a mile of walk away. Listening to the music, I reached there and had my meals. I washed my hands and was standing right in front of the bistro, out of it thinking-
“What to do now?” I asked myself.
“Should I go back to room now?”
“Nah, I will be bored off there.”
“Should I go and see someone?”
“Nope, better I spend time on my own.”
“Yes a good plan but where, in the same old park?”
“Yea ok let’s go there, will listen some music and enjoy.”
With this conversation in my head, I headed to the park. From this bistro, I had to walk through a street which was famous as Love Street as lot of couples use to sit there and have their talk and fun. It is due to the reason that there are too many of private hostels for students and paying guests rooms. I reached the park listening to my song and was watching these couples all happy and talking and relaxing. I sat on one of the vacant benches there although this park was a place where you won’t find an empty bench until midnight at least.
Sighed while sitting there singing with the songs I was listening and sometimes murmuring them with lips’ movements, wishing to god for some girl like that for me as well with whom I can have fun, I sprawled spreading my legs out and head up looking at the stars. It was so beautiful to watch sky full of countless twinkling stars. I smiled and closed my eyes.
Lot of people were gone after sometime. I saw this last group with three guys and two girls still talking. They also took their rides and headed to their homes. I was sitting in a corner of the park, behind me was the exit gate. It was happening and I couldn’t close my eyes. I was just seeing the things happening around me. Out of the group, one girl didn’t leave with them. She was wearing blue jean and forest green top. That girl sat somewhere in light and she had beautiful long hair. That all I could see from that distance as she was diagonally opposite to me in this rectangular park and I knew she didn’t noticed me sitting as I always preferred sitting in the dark than being in light. She was talking to someone on the phone and her companions were all gone. She talked for a little while on the phone and moved to the bike. She walked so beautiful as well. She then placed her phone in her little wallet and wallet into her bike. The way she put on helmet and sat on bike, I liked that and I was smiling sitting in the dark.
As soon as she started her bike, I closed my eyes and started watching the stars again. Just then I heard the loud noise. I turned back and saw just there this girl was on the road and her bike was just next to her, lying down. I ignored knowing she will take care of herself at first but then I thought as nobody else was there, might be I was the only help to her. I took headphones out of my phone and ears and ran towards this fallen girl. The bike was lying on the leg of this girl. I saw this girl’s head was bleeding.
“Oh my god!” I panicked.
I didn’t know how to handle that situation but I took my handkerchief out and tried to stop the girl from bleeding by tying that handkerchief on her head. I tried to help girl asking her to get up but I realized she was subconscious. That was a rattling accident, I was wondering how that happened exactly but who cared, I called the ambulance. I searched for her phone in her pockets but I couldn’t find it.
While waiting there with this injured girl, I had several thoughts – how would I manage everything on my own? How would I contact any person known to this girl? Would I be able to handle this situation? But most of all, I was praying to god for her quick recovery. Ambulance was on its way; meanwhile I put her head on my thigh. I was trying to curb her bleeding as much possible as I could.
After some time, a security guard came nearby to check if everything was good (which was the part of his regular duty) and when he was about 200 meters away, I shouted and called him. My voice was chilling, I was shivering. The guard came running and he first took up the bike and parked it aside.
He asked – “who is she, do you know her”?
“No”, I said without looking at him.
“How did this happen?” guard asked me again.
“I don’t know, I was sitting there (I pointed out) and heard the noise and when I saw, she already had fallen.” I replied by looking at him.
He asked me again, “Did you call the ambulance?”
“Yes” I replied back with a bit of aggressive sound.
I was already tensed and he was throwing continuous questions at me, but I guess he understood I was not really feeling to talk all that sort of stuff. He sat down in front of me and put his first two fingers of right hand in front of her nostrils, “she is alive”, he said. “Thank god”, in my head I said to myself with my eyes on him seeing what he was doing.
I heard a loud siren and ambulance was there on its way somewhere nearby. I was able to hear the siren from quite distance as this was past midnight. Guard and I, we both looked towards the park exit. Guard took out his walkie-talkie and contacted some other guards. He said something but I couldn’t understand, I was not listening to him.
I saw ambulance coming and two other guards came running as well. I realized I should phone the family of the girl and probably the police too. I was relieved a little bit by now after looking the ambulance. I took her head in my hands above from the ground. The two guys from ambulance jumped down. They opened the backdoor of the ambulance. That was first time ever happening to me and I was feeling terrible, my hands, shirt and jeans were all red in blood. I couldn’t think of anything at that moment of what to be done but decided to go to the hospital with the ambulance. The guard who parked the bike aside somewhere near to his own cabin handed over the key to me.
I tried to look out for the mobile phone of this girl again. I suddenly realized that she put her phone in her wallet in the bike. I asked the ambulance to wait for just a minute and rushed towards the bike to get the phone. I came back to the ambulance and shouted – ok go now! I embarked the ambulance and was sitting next to her in the ambulance. I took the phone out of the wallet and just before I press any key, I was thinking if it would be right for me to touch her phone like that but well, who cared, she met an accident and needed her parents or at least someone from her family. I took the phone and searched for the contacts and was going one by one down. This was taking too long. I went to the logs looking for the recent contacts thinking she might have contacted her family. After scrutinizing properly, I found a contact name titled as ‘Sweetie’s Daddy’. I guessed that could be the fancy name she might have given to her father’s number. I called that number through her phone to make sure what information I was about to deliver, they trust on that. I phoned this number but no one took the call. I thought might be they were sleeping at that early morning time. In the ambulance, the male nurse opened first aid kit in the ambulance and started wrapping the roller bandage. I put the girl’s phone in my pocket and wallet in my hands as it was quite huge to be put in my pocket. The nurse applied few ointments and I guessed he was trying to lessen the pain of this subconscious girl. I knew a little about medicines and I was the student studying the chemistry but well, medicines were my one of the hobbies.
With all that happening, we reached the hospital. I tried the phone again to her parents but again there was no response. Ambulance stopped and nurses came down running asking me for the way so that they can transfer her from ambulance to the hospital bed. I jumped out of the ambulance and saw the hospital building first, seem promising as it was tidy, neat and clean, the facade was well painted with blue color and a big red cross suggesting that the building was a hospital. The hospital said – Krishna Hospital. We were there in very short time.
Nurses took the injured girl swiftly in the hospital. One of them asked me to stop by the reception. I had to fill few forms up but I asked the lady behind the desk to do that for me. She looked at me surprisingly as I was full red in blood. I was staring at her then and she immediately headed down. Just before she could touch the tip of the pen to the form, she looked at me again and asked me, “What is the name of the patient?”
“I don’t know. Probably Sweetie but I am not sure”, I said.
“Don’t you know her?”
“No, I found her on the road and saw her injured. I don’t know who she is and what she does. I just called the ambulance.” I apprised.
“Ok, forget her name for now. So what is your name?”
“Aakash, Aakash Arora”
“Your phone number?”
“Ummm… I don’t remember that. Wait please, I will see and tell you”
I was going to put my hand in my jean to see my number I stored in my phone but I realized my hand were red in blood and although it was clotted and dried, I asked the receptionist to give me a moment showing my hands up to clean my hands. She stood up and shown me the way to the washroom.
“Thank you”, I smiled formally and walked away looking at my hands and my clothes. It was a few steps of walk. I cleaned my hands with soap and tried to remove blood stains from my hands. I looked left and right. It was night so very few people were there. Everyone was busy on their own. I quickly rubbed my hands around my jeans to wipe water off my hands. With half wet hand, I took out phone of my pocket. “Aaah”, I sighed. This was the phone of this injured known unnamed girl. I kept walking back to the receptionist. Dropping phone back to my pocket, I took out my phone and searched my own phone number and as I reached the receptionist back, I gave her my phone to jot down the number on her own.
There was big round white analog clock hanging behind reception desk. This was about 3 o’clock in the morning. I kept the phone of the girl with me. I couldn’t understand what to do – either go back to room and have some rest because I really wanted that or stay there until this girl gets little bit better or her family or friends are around. Actually, my inner conscience didn’t allow me to leave. Receptionist gave me the phone back and asked me if I wanted to leave or stay.
“I am here and I am fine”,
“Very well then, you may want to sit over there”, she said pointing towards few chairs in row.
“Where is the girl anyway?” I asked her.
“She should be in ICU, second floor. You are not allowed to go in there yet. Please wait for the doctor’s instructions.”
“No, I just asked. I know and I am here waiting for the doctors. Thanks”, smiling a little and I walked towards the chairs.
This was always bizarre. Whenever I encountered such situations specially getting myself a chair to sit, I was always confused as where to sit. This happened here again. I walked towards one chair and moved away to other nearby in adjacent row. I tried my hardest to show as I was cursory but well, it turned out to be awkward.
“That was pretty awkward”, I bent my head down and said to myself. Trust me; it was really clumsy because it was happening in a hospital. Although it never had been this way when I did such stuff at places like airports or railway stations but here in hospital, it was so damn cumbersome.
Not even 2 minutes had passed and I took my phone out to check what time it was then. I yawned while taking the phone out. With my sleepy eyes, I saw it was just after three. “Damn! What is happening? Why time is not moving fast?” I knew why I was waiting. I had to phone her family or friend or any relative to tell them that this unnamed girl to me was in ICU.
“Oh screw it” I took her phone out to call her parents again. I concluded now that that was a major thing happened and her parents must know what was happening to their daughter. I phoned again. The phone was ringing and I was too casual. Suddenly someone took the phone and I heard, “hello?” the voice was masculine, heavy, deep but the tone was sleepy as well. For a moment I was afraid if that was the right time to tell them but then I knew they must know.
“Hello”, I said calmly. “Is the owner of this phone is your daughter?”
“No, why? What happened? Who are you and why have you called?”
“I am extremely sorry. My name is Aakash. I don’t know what her family’s phone number is. This girl has met an accident and her phone had your number saved as ‘Sweetie’s Daddy’, I thought her name was Sweetie and you were her father.”
“No, Sweetie is my daughter. Her name is Purvi. She is friend of my daughter and used to call Sweetie here on my phone.”
“Okay sir, I want to know what the phone number of Purvi’s parents is. I need to inform them that their daughter is in ICU. Can you or your daughter help me?”
“Oh sure! Wait, let me ask if she has any contact to her parents”
The phone was silent then. I had imagined that her dad was going to Sweetie’s room. I was waiting and I heard – Sweetie, get up quick. Your friend Purvi has met with an accident. The person is on the phone. Do you know the phone number of any of her family members? Sweetie, listen to me, wake up!
I pulled the phone off my ear and took it to some distance. Now this was again annoying. I mean I was in need and they were like sleeping crazily. I was waiting there in the hospital and I wanted to let her parents know that their daughter had met accident and was in very critical condition.
“Heeelllloooo”, suddenly a voice with long hello came up, this time feminine, soft and a bit shocked.
“Hi, is this Sweetie talking?” I asked quickly.
“Yes, I am Sweetie. What happened to Purvi?”
“I don’t know. She met with an accident and is in ICU. I need to tell her parents. Will you help me in this regard?”
“Oh yes, I know her brother’s phone number. I will call him right away and let him know”
“Sure, thank you very much. I will appreciate if you also tell him that his sister’s phone is with me and he must talk to me as soon as he gets to know.”
“I will convey your message. What hospital Purvi is admitted to?”
“I am here in Krishna Hospital”
“Okay thanks, I will be there as well as soon as I can. Also, I will inform her brother right away.” She reassured.
“Yea okay thanks.”
I sighed with relief. A little bit allayed to know someone would know from her family now. I saw the time again and it was a little over quarter past four now. I was waiting for her brother’s phone call when I saw a doctor running towards the reception. I couldn’t see receptionist so I didn’t know what happened but the doctor came in the waiting room and shouted, “Who is Aakash Arora?” People who were awake (not too many though) saw doctor and then to each other. I stood up and everyone was looking at me then.
“Yes, I am” I said raising my right hand a bit up with my phone in my hand and the girl’s phone in my other hand.
“Come here please”, he asked and moved out of the waiting hall and stood away of the same at some distance. I headed towards him.
“Is everything al-lright”? I enquired with stutter.
“Not really but we are trying. Who are you anyway to her?”
“Okay, she is stranger to me”, I said firmly but I was worried and afraid as well.
“Look, we probably will have to operate her as well. I will try to avoid any major operation but we need to have her family member to sign no objection to operate her. As no one is here, will you sign that?”
“No, how can I? Can’t you wait for sometime as I am…”
And the phone in my left hand rang. “Will you please give me just a minute, not more than that, just a moment please. This is her brother on the phone as I guess,” I asked permission from the doctor. “Sure”, the doctor said.
“Hello, where is my daughter? Who are you? Is she alright?” This was surely her father, frightened and worried.
“Sir, your daughter is in ICU, please speak to the doctor yourself.”
“Please talk to her father”, I offered the phone to the doctor. He quickly grabbed the phone and replied.
“Hello Sir, I am Dr Rakesh. I have the onus of your daughter. She is in ICU at the moment and we need to operate her. This young man brought her here and we are hoping she will overcome this situation but before we could operate, we need your consent.”
“Sure, please operate her. You have all the consents to get my child well and healthy. I will be there by tonight.”
“Thanks. Talk to the young man.” He handed over the phone to me and went away.
“Thank you for taking responsibility of my child. I will be there in few hours. Thanks a lot again”
“That’s fine sir, it was my moral duty. Take care, goodbye.” I hung up and rushed quickly to the doctor. I saw him walking slowly so I guessed he wouldn’t have gone too far.
Finally I saw him standing in hallway and talking to some nurse. “Doctor”, “Doctor”, I shouted. He looked at me.
“Its thirty past four already. I really need some sleep. In any case, you can contact me on my phone number I left with the receptionist. I have to go to college as well today but I will try to get back whenever I can. May I go now?” I asked the doctor because I really didn’t know the social protocol. I knew later after several months that you don’t need to be there for all the time for the patient as if you are a guardian. Also, when I had informed her parents, my duty was finished.
“Yea sure, you may go. We will see to it but leave the phone number of her parent with the receptionist.”
“Okay, I will. Thanks. Bye.” And I got back to my room walking briskly looking downwards. I put hand into my pocket to see if my headphones were there and my phone wasn’t misplaced. I came too far from the hospital when I realized I had the phone of the girl in my pocket too. I stopped for a little while but then I thought I would be going to the hospital back again anyway and so I went back to my room.
I am totally horrified thinking of what just happened. I changed my clothes and soaked them in water. Jumped into the bed and got to sleep thinking about this girl and accident. I am quite relieved to know her parents would be there to take care of her and hence I don’t need to worry at all. With all these thoughts playing soccer with my brain kicking it from one place to another, my weariness made me to fall asleep shortly.
May he attenuate your pains all
Salubrious breeze may bless you
I wish nothing but your wellness
May my wish gets to true